August 23, 2014

Archive: Breaking! Lincon - Douglas style Debate for VPs

I think I'm in love
Can sculpt her from memory
That sounded creepy

Dateline Obama HQ. Shortly after a text message and an email sent out by the Obama camp, Joe Biden attempted to release a statement on youtube, however it was rejected for length. This reporter was lucky enough to snatch the carbon sheets before being 86'd from the joint.

Here are a few excerpts:
"Good morning, I am pleased to announce that after a long and arduous road, that wound from one side of this majestic topiary to the other side of this serious but sensitive nation of ours, I Joseph Biden am running for the nomination for the vice presidency of these united States of America."

It rambles on for a while but here is some juicy stuff:
"If it's a three hour debate that crochety gentleman wants it's a three hour debate he will get!"

After pouring over the thirty page single spaced document (reading backwards off a carbon sheet), I think that Joe Biden is not challenging his Republican counterpart but the whole party.

He writes, "I don't care who you are if they want to debate and your a blood sucking fascist mutant, we will verbally tear the flesh from your bones!" The rest of the transcript is incoherent and describes a post-apocalyptic scene-scape that, interestingly and creatively diverts from biblical imagery.

If it's one thing that this reporter is that would be excited. These debates will be a Hunter S. Thompsian jungle fight to the death, with the last man as the Vice President chosen by the Gods. According to the transcript the debate will take place after New Mexico is swallowed by the worm goddess.

(Update: those carbon sheets that I snatched from Obama HQ was in fact a manuscript of a short story that a senior staffer was in the middle of showing the Senior Senator from Delaware. I will review that story latter this week)

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