August 15, 2008

Breaking News! Hipsters Invade Olympics!

I have seen the pine tree
I have eaten its pine cones
My mouth deem do ick

-Beijing. Dateline Beijing China.
For some time now the IORC and private detectives working for the Olympics have been suspicious that certain athletes hip levels are reaching dangerous levels.

"This was the main reason for holding the Olympic Games in Beijing in the first place" says one unnamed board member, he goes on to say (in a funny accent) "We were afraid that NBC would send someone like Tracy Morgan over for color commentary, but when Bob Costas interviewed the President of the United States (George W. Bush) our fears were dispelled. Tiki Barber doesn't hurt either. We are still afraid that Bela Karolyi may have tipped the kitch scales so we will remain vigaliant"

Surprisingly, the Olympic officials overlooked the Croatian mens water polo team, who have all grown ironic mustaches, to give them competitive edge. Although the mustaches are no longer ironic, the team has decided to keep the facial hair for the remainder of the games. Goalkeeper Frano Vican explains (in an ironic funny accent) "We have grown fond of mustaches, they unify patriot in all Croatian."

When he was done with the jokes he told me, off the record, that when Maro Jokovic and himself first started it was as a competition but then the rest of the team started to grow their out their upper lip's out. Instead of making the rest of the team feel stupid and left out Frano and Maro made it an Ironic bonding experience.

"Yes we could have been snarky and started to grow out a goatee or cheek-whiskers", Maro told me, in much better English than Frano, "but I can't let them down, so now we are pitting the rest of the world against us and our heroic mustaches", he said with a wink.

The strategy seems to be working. As the rest of the world looks in awe at the bold dedication to muted nonconformity, the Croatian men have gone 3-0 on their way to a sincere gold medal. Lets only hope they don't get tested for hip.

(photo courtesy of AP)

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