December 4, 2010

The Adventures of Cr. X, Part IV

After a long hour at the office, the first Dirty Mic and Mr. Moneybags were sitting in the company bar discussing growth markets for their products. When the conversation turned to new product-lines, Dirty Mic dropped the egg he was trying to balance on his nose into his drink. The egg broke on the rim of the glass, the yoke sliding into his whiskey.  Mr. Moneybags said, “I will give you 300 shares of preferred stock in Apple if you drink that!” Dirty Mic couldn’t pass up such an amazing deal, so he picked up his glass, toasted Dionysius and drank up. As the chick that would never be slid down his throat Aries struck him with the idea to enhance grain alcohol with chicken protein. Thus the “Thirsty Meal” was begotten.
Soon the drink was put into production and it caught on like a fire and a Christmas tree.  The stores couldn’t keep it in stock. Soon cantinas popped up across the nation that sold only Thirsty Meal products.  By replacing whiskey with grain alcohol and artificial flavorings, the popularity of Thirsty Meal became so vast that Chicorp that curb stomped Coke-a-Cola, sucker punched Red Bull and Bantu style hacked off Starbucks limbs. Water Chicorp’s only rival, but they thought it best to leave that alone. How can you get drunk if you never rid your hangover?
The slogan, “No one is truly drunk if there is a single person sober,” created uproar in the media that sparked a movement called the TEA Party (Temperance against Evil Alcohol). The organization is still around today, but gets little coverage since Dirty Mic took Rupert Murdoch on a one of his famous Kansas City benders.  The removal of the first major opposition to alcohol wasn’t the end of Chicorp’s problems, it was merely the beginning.  

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